I know I’ve only been engaged two weeks, but it didn’t take long to learn what majority of people have to say when you get engaged.  Everyone is just so excited and pretty much everything people have to say is harmless, but there are some questions that are better than others.  Don’t get me wrong, as long as you share in the joy, you’re not doing anything wrong.  But some questions just threw me off while others blew my mind.  Here are some things NOT to ask and some ideas what you should ask instead.

What NOT to ask a newly engaged woman.  Seriously, everyone should read this.

Have you set a date?  Homegirl I just got engaged less than 24 hours ago!  I really got asked this.  Granted we set a date super fast, but we really didn’t have too many options.  (It couldn’t interfere with college classes or football and had to be before memorial day because I come from a tourist town and that’s when things really get expensive.)  Taking the time to be engaged is exactly what the couple needs.  They want to be able to tell all their friends and family and even visit with them.  Planning a wedding is so daunting, don’t force decisions on them before they need to make them.

Instead ask if they have a season in mind, or if they want a long or short engagement.  Just don’t ask for a specific date.  It took some time to set a date, but I could tell you immediately I sure as heck ain’t gonna get married in the winter.

Who’s in your bridal party?  This can just go wrong in so many ways.  What if the person asking expects to be in the bridal party but the bride doesn’t want them?  What if the bride is doing something special for each bridesmaid and wants it to be a surprise?  Just wait and find out later.  Much later.  Like, when you know whether you are one or not and it doesn’t seem weird you’re asking.

By all means, ask these questions instead.

Ask if they want a small or large wedding.  This will pretty much tell you if they want a million bridesmaids or just their closest friends and family.

Do you have your colors picked out?  Again, don’t ask about the wedding!  I’ll be real, I had a secret wedding board with most of my wedding decisions made.  I knew my colors months ago.  But here’s the thing, even if she does know her colors, saying them opens them to judgement.  And if there is one thing I’ve learned so far, it’s that everyone has an opinion.  So much about the wedding is still in its infancy, let her solidify what she wants before she has to put it out there.

Instead ask if she has put any thought into the wedding yet.  That way, if the bride has put any thought into her wedding (like I had) she’s free to tell you anything and everything.  If she hasn’t, there’s no pressure to dig deep and think of wedding ideas.

Don’t tell her what you did for your wedding.  Honestly, it is nice to hear what ideas other people went with for their wedding and what did and didn’t work.  There is lots to learn from past brides.  But being newly engaged and having so many decisions to make, telling her about your wedding will either A) take away from her planning experience, or B) make her feel like she has to use the idea you just described.  It’s one of those things that isn’t mean or wrong, it just makes things seem so overwhelming.  You’re better off just agreeing unless your opinion is 100% requested.

DO ask how he proposed.  I absolutely love how Carl proposed.  I cried like a baby and still think about it daily.  Besides telling you she got engaged, telling you how it happened is the most exciting thing to share.  The groom is so excited to be praised by everyone and the bride feels that much more special.  Let her have that moment.  Always let her have that moment.   Because the months following that moment are going to be stressful.

DO tell her if you’re willing to help with anything or if you have any special skills or info.  The day is going to come when the bride is overwhelmed and will need help.  If you’re down to help her or have some special skill (like an in with a wedding vendor or are super crafty) do let her know.  I have a friend who is a few months away from her wedding and I was able to find my save the dates through her.  She probably wont think much of your offer at the time, but down the road you might be her life saver.

DO let her know how happy you are for them.  This is probably the most exciting moment of the bride’s life at that point in time.  There is so much joy in her body she’s probably telling complete strangers she just got engaged (or is that just me?).  Share in her joy.  You don’t have to squeal and jump up and down like a preteen at a Beiber One Direction concert, but show that you are genuinely happy.  If you’re not, fake it. Seriously.  If you are a raincloud all up in their sunshine and rainbows you are not a good person.  Someone will notice and judge you and remember it for the rest of their lives.  We had two people try and get our friends to skip out on our engagement party when we visited.   I will forever remember they did that and they are not invited.   No rainclouds up in my wedding.  

I hope this list helps you when you’re with a newly engaged chica.  Honestly, there’s just so much joy to be had when an engagement happens that as long as you share in the excitement, you can’t really go wrong.

What did you hate being asked when you were engaged?

 

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  • Ashley

    Oh MAN! Loved this post. The “Have you set a date?” question, albeit well-intentioned, gets old FAST. We also heard a lot of “it’s about time!”, which was annoying. Also annoying – asking about the wedding every time you see the bride or groom for the entire duration leading up to the wedding. We’re 4.5 weeks out from our big day, and are absolutely sick of wedding talk – preferring to do it discreetly and in our own time with our family and/or bridal party on an as needed basis 😛

    • katiewinn

      100% agreed! I’m sure we’re going to get nothing but wedding talk for the next few months. At least this early in the game it’s still enjoyable. Good luck on your big day, it’s almost here!

  • To be honest, pregnancy was FAR worse for the repetitive questions IMO! Though I was only engaged for 5 months, so that meant there was less time to get annoyed… 😉

    LOVE hearing engagement stories – makes me feel all glowing and happy 🙂

    • katiewinn

      Oh I bet! Carl’s mother has already bought us baby clothes. Baby clothes! Granted they are adorable, but I mean, we still have months before we’re even married we don’t even want to even think about kids yet. I’m sure we’re going to get baby questions before the wedding is even over. I hate to think the questions we’ll get once we’re actually preggo.

  • haha totally agree! I LOVE how Andrew proposed but it’s crazy what people ask! He arranged a surprise party after the proposal and people started then! I couldn’t believe it! haha I mean, c’mon, let me enjoy this for a minute! Everyone needs to read this post! 🙂

    • katiewinn

      A surprise party after the proposal is such a great idea! Fortunately Carl proposed during the week so we were able to spend the weekend celebrating with friends and family all across the state.

  • I’ll be honest I ask just about everyone if they have a date in mind (if they’ve been together for more than a year). When I got engaged I had been dating my husband for 6 years. We had a day picked out long before we were engaged. I know I’m not the only one. I think its fun to hear if you picked one out and if not I don’t mind the whole “we haven’t decided yet but we are thinking: x, y, z.”

    • katiewinn

      I’m guilty of the date question too. It seemed like such a normal question until I was actually engaged. I was just so taken aback for it to be the very first thing I was asked. There were so many thoughts floating around in my head after the proposal that a date just wasn’t there. I think it’s just of those questions that is always going to be asked.

  • Here from the linkup! I love this post! I am not engaged (yet!) but I can totally see it getting annoying having ppl ask questions like that 24 hours in!

    • katiewinn

      Thanks for visiting! BTW the dachshund puppies are so stinkin cute. I wish my puppy was still that little!

  • We got asked so much about when the date would be right after we got married–which was frustrating because we had to wait on him getting a job in my state to even be able to set a date–it just reminded us how much we wanted to know a date but we didn’t have one yet!

    Also, we got a lot of “Are you crazy?” and “Are you old enough to get married?”….probably because I was 18 when we got engaged. Oh well….that’s years in the past now!

    • katiewinn

      That would be so frustrating! Carl is 21 and he’s gotten a few “you’re too young to get married” comments. Most of those have come from his German friends who are accustomed to couples being together for years and even having kids first before tying the knot.

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  • Eve Maria

    Great post! I wish all my friends + family had read this 🙂

    • katiewinn

      Thanks! Glad you stopped by!

  • I can totally relate to these as I am newly engaged as well! First of all, congrats! Love your tips!

    • katiewinn

      Thanks! And congrats on your engagement!

  • Codi

    As a newly engaged woman (August 20th!!!) I totally loved this post!

    All true and hilarious. Being asked if I picked a date within an HOUR of being proposed to was crazy!

    • katiewinn

      Thanks! And congratulations! Within an hour? People are cray cray.

  • Awesome post, Katie! Heard them all lol My husband was also young and got so frustrated by the negativity towards his age. Oh and people asking about baby plans is highly inappropriate and annoying. Actually, less than 24 hours after having my son, someone commented “just wait until he gets married and has kids.” Really? I kinda wanted to shoot ’em haha
    Blessings,
    Jacy

    • katiewinn

      Someone seriously said that right after you had your son?! What is wrong with people?? It never ceases to amaze me the things people will actually say. Thank you for reading, I’m glad you enjoyed the post!

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  • Lissie

    We just got engaged (17th of april) and I agree with everything. Another annoying thing is when my mother already 2 days after the engagement wants to know who will walk me down the aisle… she then continued to tell me she would be disappointed if it wasn’t her, my stepdad og my grandmother….. I don’t even know if I want anyone to walk me down the aisle yet….. 🙂

    • SomethingWinnderful

      Congrats on your engagement! Oh man, I couldn’t handle it if my mom started making requests like that literally 2 days into it. I was so surprised how many people had expectations/wants that they expected me to fill for MY OWN wedding. Now that it’s all said and done (almost two years of marriage, ahh!), planning a wedding wasn’t as bad as it could have been. You will survive! People are going to tell you how it’s all worth it on your wedding day and you’re going to to want to strangle them every time…but they’re right. Which I don’t know if that makes the advice better or worse haha. Good luck with the planning and congrats again!