I know I’ve only been engaged two weeks, but it didn’t take long to learn what majority of people have to say when you get engaged. Everyone is just so excited and pretty much everything people have to say is harmless, but there are some questions that are better than others. Don’t get me wrong, as long as you share in the joy, you’re not doing anything wrong. But some questions just threw me off while others blew my mind. Here are some things NOT to ask and some ideas what you should ask instead.
Have you set a date? Homegirl I just got engaged less than 24 hours ago! I really got asked this. Granted we set a date super fast, but we really didn’t have too many options. (It couldn’t interfere with college classes or football and had to be before memorial day because I come from a tourist town and that’s when things really get expensive.) Taking the time to be engaged is exactly what the couple needs. They want to be able to tell all their friends and family and even visit with them. Planning a wedding is so daunting, don’t force decisions on them before they need to make them.
Instead ask if they have a season in mind, or if they want a long or short engagement. Just don’t ask for a specific date. It took some time to set a date, but I could tell you immediately I sure as heck ain’t gonna get married in the winter.
Who’s in your bridal party? This can just go wrong in so many ways. What if the person asking expects to be in the bridal party but the bride doesn’t want them? What if the bride is doing something special for each bridesmaid and wants it to be a surprise? Just wait and find out later. Much later. Like, when you know whether you are one or not and it doesn’t seem weird you’re asking.
By all means, ask these questions instead.
Ask if they want a small or large wedding. This will pretty much tell you if they want a million bridesmaids or just their closest friends and family.
Do you have your colors picked out? Again, don’t ask about the wedding! I’ll be real, I had a secret wedding board with most of my wedding decisions made. I knew my colors months ago. But here’s the thing, even if she does know her colors, saying them opens them to judgement. And if there is one thing I’ve learned so far, it’s that everyone has an opinion. So much about the wedding is still in its infancy, let her solidify what she wants before she has to put it out there.
Instead ask if she has put any thought into the wedding yet. That way, if the bride has put any thought into her wedding (like I had) she’s free to tell you anything and everything. If she hasn’t, there’s no pressure to dig deep and think of wedding ideas.
Don’t tell her what you did for your wedding. Honestly, it is nice to hear what ideas other people went with for their wedding and what did and didn’t work. There is lots to learn from past brides. But being newly engaged and having so many decisions to make, telling her about your wedding will either A) take away from her planning experience, or B) make her feel like she has to use the idea you just described. It’s one of those things that isn’t mean or wrong, it just makes things seem so overwhelming. You’re better off just agreeing unless your opinion is 100% requested.
DO ask how he proposed. I absolutely love how Carl proposed. I cried like a baby and still think about it daily. Besides telling you she got engaged, telling you how it happened is the most exciting thing to share. The groom is so excited to be praised by everyone and the bride feels that much more special. Let her have that moment. Always let her have that moment. Because the months following that moment are going to be stressful.
DO tell her if you’re willing to help with anything or if you have any special skills or info. The day is going to come when the bride is overwhelmed and will need help. If you’re down to help her or have some special skill (like an in with a wedding vendor or are super crafty) do let her know. I have a friend who is a few months away from her wedding and I was able to find my save the dates through her. She probably wont think much of your offer at the time, but down the road you might be her life saver.
DO let her know how happy you are for them. This is probably the most exciting moment of the bride’s life at that point in time. There is so much joy in her body she’s probably telling complete strangers she just got engaged (or is that just me?). Share in her joy. You don’t have to squeal and jump up and down like a preteen at a
Beiber One Direction concert, but show that you are genuinely happy. If you’re not, fake it. Seriously. If you are a raincloud all up in their sunshine and rainbows you are not a good person. Someone will notice and judge you and remember it for the rest of their lives. We had two people try and get our friends to skip out on our engagement party when we visited. I will forever remember they did that and they are not invited. No rainclouds up in my wedding.
I hope this list helps you when you’re with a newly engaged chica. Honestly, there’s just so much joy to be had when an engagement happens that as long as you share in the excitement, you can’t really go wrong.
What did you hate being asked when you were engaged?